


I'm Fine!

by NekoAbi



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Allusion to suicidal thoughts and death, Gen, Implied Anxiety, Roman doesn't wanna be there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 12:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20705813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NekoAbi/pseuds/NekoAbi
Summary: Roman didn't want to be at the counsellor's office. He was fine. Okay, he'd brought up something dark during his drama class, but he was fine!





	I'm Fine!

**Author's Note:**

> All of this is based off of something I did and experienced during school. I only wrote it because I found a prompt that was something along the lines of "write something you experienced"... so I did.

Roman huffed and blew a strand of hair that had fallen out of place as he leant against the wall. He wanted to be anywhere but here, yet here he was, waiting for his unwanted meeting with the school counsellor. All because of that dumb drama activity.

It’s not really his fault that he’d chosen a monologue that felt like the person was going through a hard time and was sat on the edge of that building for a certain reason.

Well, really it was. He had picked it after all, but that wasn’t important.

All Roman had done was participated in the activity to the best of his ability and it had taken every ounce of courage to do so.

Their small class size allowed them to do more intimate things, such as the activity they had done a week prior. This activity in question called for them all to be sat in a circle with their eyes closed.

“Now, raise your hand if you feel you have a story from your life that can relate to your character.” The teacher had asked.

Four students spent their time talking about life experiences they’d had that related to their character, while all the other kids kept their eyes closed. It was apparently to stop judgement or something like that, Roman didn’t quite remember. What he did remember was him raising his hand after the person before him had finished.

He was called upon and began to talk.

He recounted a particularly bad time in his fairly short life. Where everything had gone wrong in a day, he felt utterly hopeless and alone and awful. He’d crashed into his room as soon as he could and just collapsed on the floor; he didn’t even have the energy to keep himself upright. It was then that he looked up at his ceiling and noticed the glint of the metal hook in the ceiling above his bed. Previously, when his younger sister had this room, there had been a princess covering thing at the head of her bed and that was where it had hung from. But now it was just an empty hook. And that hook… was putting terrible thoughts in Roman’s head.

The young man continued to talk; spewing out everything he had felt in that moment from the raw fear and sickness to the almost addicting pull of… well, to put it simply, death. He made sure to add that he – under no circumstances – would have had the guts to do it, his fears would never let him, and he knew there was far more to live for… <strike>at least, for now. </strike>

When he finished talking, it was nearing the end of the hour lesson time. Everyone opened their eyes and Roman was shocked. A few of the other students looked to be visibly crying? Some came and told him that “everything would be okay” before they left the school hall. Before Roman could join them, the teacher asked to speak to him for a moment.

The teacher asked if he was still having thoughts like that, Roman said no.  
<strike>Lies.</strike>  
The teacher asked if he was troubled by various types of feelings, Roman said not really.  
<strike>Just a white lie.</strike>  
The teacher asked if he wanted to see the counsellor, Roman vehemently rejected the idea.  
<strike>Sure.</strike>

Roman was late to his last class because he’d spent 10 full minutes trying to convince his teacher that he was just fine. Sure, he’d had the thoughts back then, but he was fine now. He didn’t have them <strike>frequently,</strike> and he was dealing with all of his mental stuff on his own just fine. He asked them not to contact the counsellor as Roman knew the man could not help him that much.

Yet, he was here, a week later.

Because his teacher and his tutor had decided to book a session _without him_.

“Has to be somewhat against the rules…” Roman muttered under his breath, kicking his feet impatiently.

Sure, they had an obligation to do this, so that if anything happened, blame couldn’t be shifted to them or something righteous or whatever. But Roman had told them both, several times, that he didn’t want to do this.

But then-

“Roman. Please come in.”

The counsellor held open the door to his new office, waiting for the young man to step through. Roman did so, though not without shuffling his feet on the way in. He threw himself into one of the chairs, eyes fixed to the floor to the left of him as he traced the stripes of carpet.

“It’s strange to be seeing you in my office, Roman.” The counsellor chuckled as he shut the door and walked to his desk, “So odd to not see you at a library table with at least one friend.”

Roman shrugged, “I mean, I guess… Hate that’s been changed. Now I have nowhere to go…” He muttered, clearly dejected.

“They needed that space. The lessons being conducted downstairs were too distracting for the rest of the library, you know this. Though, I can say I miss my old office too. This one is far too dark for my liking…”

Roman looked around and realised that the counsellor was right. His old office – from what Roman had seen through the door when the man went in and out – had a nice large window at the other end, while this new one had small thin windows at the top. In fact, they matched the ones in the toilets in the next room over…

“Well, anyway, I was told that you didn’t want to come here today, but you understand that your teachers have a duty to help you as much as they can, right?”

Roman fought to not roll his eyes as he fidgeted with a bracelet on his wrist, “Yeah, I know…”

“I’m glad you’re aware. Now, what happened?”

The student replayed the entire event from start to finish, leaving out no details. He made sure to keep his tone as neutral as possible, but he couldn’t help defending himself once he got to the end.

“I don’t think about that anymore! I’m fine!” Roman said, crossing his arms tightly across his chest. “I know how to deal with it, I’ve learnt how to avoid that! I just don’t have that happen anymore!”

The counsellor never took his eyes off of the young man before him, “I believe you, Roman. I just wanted to hear it from you. Are you entirely sure you are alright? You don’t want to see me about anything?” He seemed to be trying to prompt something, something that Roman just didn’t quite understand at the time.

“No! I’m fine!” Roman almost shouted.

“Okay. That’s fine, Roman. Just remember, I’m always here if you need to. Just ask at the desk to schedule an appointment if you ever want to, alright?”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Alright… well then, you are free to go.”

Roman gave thanks and left the room, still cursing his teachers in his mind. He didn’t need to see the counsellor, he would be fine. No, he was fine. He was. Right?


End file.
